“Real Talk: Stop Saying Black Women Don’t Get Married”

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http://www.essence.com/2013/01/09/real-talk-stop-saying-black-women-dont-get-married/

I thought this article was great and a well appropriate note to end on. In my opinion it sums up what I have realized over the course of writing this blog: Black women do get married! Writer Demetria L. Lucas explains that Black women do indeed get married; however, there is more coverage when it comes to divorces and breakups than with marriages. Much to her chagrin, she thought there would be more coverage, Tweets, and Facebook posts about some of the women she mentioned who recently got engaged (Brandy, Mellody Hobson, Janet Jackson). She states that this “crisis” or “the problem”, as she calls it, between single Black women hinders people from realizing the truth that Black women are and do get married. She ends the article on a positive and optimistic note in hopes that we (I am assuming she means black women) can “kick off a new narrative when it comes to Black women and relationships.”

I am so glad I chose to do this topic for my blog. When I started, I too was wary about the idea of marriage and it being a “lack there of”  in the Black community. Living in Atlanta, I even began to doubt my chances. That mentality is everywhere. I have heard friends, colleagues, sisters and others say that in Atlanta there are 10 Black women to every 1 Black guy. I have heard this countless times, but no one could ever tell me what source they got it from. They would just say “well, that’s what I heard and it has to  be true. Just look around.” That’s not longer a good enough explanation for me. The crisis is not the idea that Black women don’t get married; the true crisis is that this idea is being ingested and internalized by  more and more women. This is a major way in which society, the media, socialization and other influences shape what we think and how we think about it. This is similar to the statistic that noted there are more Black men in jail or in prison than in schools. This one statistic from one source has shaped the way society views Black men and in turn how Black men view themselves. If I am inundated with messages and stats that say I probably will never get married, chances are I am more than likely not going to get married. Not because those messages are true, but because theses things easily get internalized and become a complex telling me that I am not good enough. Therefore a lot of women start to question what is the point if they are never going to walk down the aisle anyway. Or on the flip side to that, women start to get anxious and settle for any man that does so much as take a second glance at them. Assata Shakur talks about the power and effects of internalized oppression. Oppression is why there are so many, too many stereotypes against Black women. Oppression is why self-hatred exists. Oppression is what keeps people close-minded.  This type of oppression can clearly be traced back to slavery and although slavery is in the past, Blacks still suffer from it’s detrimental effects. Will Black women forever be seen as angry, ill-tempered, and too-independent? Can Black women really do “bad all by themselves”? Should they have to? Will being too educated and speaking too proper continue to be an excuse for some Black men?  As disheartening as this marriage topic is, I think it is safe to  say that it just simply is not true. I hereby classify this myth as debunked! At least, for me it is. What will you choose to believe?

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4 thoughts on ““Real Talk: Stop Saying Black Women Don’t Get Married”

  1. I think it’s great that this project helped you see things in a different and positive new light. I too have heard of the 10 black women for every 1 black man. Reality is what you believe, in some cases. Always question what people (i.e. society) are telling you to believe and decide for yourself after you investigate on your own.

  2. I think that this is a prime example of what people tend to do when told something. As a psychology major, I have learned that in order to believe something, you have to challenge it, and research it yourself. Many people have heard this statistic that their is 10 black women for every one man, but instead of doing more research, and asking all of the appropriate questions (like she stated in the article) we just go with it. We believe everything that we are told without finding out if it is the truth for ourselves. It is the easy way out, and it gives black men and woman an excuse.

  3. I am glad I saw this post because I was just reading an article on the sametopic in another blog. It was talking about how black women don’t get married as well. The point about getting your own information is really important. I think either article are still placing too much importance on the idea of black women being married to somehow validate them in the eyes of society though.

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